Jagalah hati, jangan kau nodai

Emangnya gampang??:P..gw baru baca blognya thatgal. Betul sekali...padahal sekarang bulan puasa. tapi hati gw teteep aja bernoda2...bluwekkkk....am I also such a horrible person?? Hati gw kotor karena sakit hati gw sama berbagai orang, that person, beberapa orang kantor, dan juga kotor oleh rasa iri akan orang-orang di sekitar.

Susah bener buat gw untuk berlapang dada dan memaafkan orang lain (padahal orangnya jg gak ngerasa berbuat salah sama gw, yah sebagai akibatnya gw menanggung sakit hati sendiri sementara mrk tralala aja). The problem is, gw merasa selalu berusaha untuk nggak ngerepotin orang lain, selalu berusaha untuk sabar, nah kalo sekali-kalinya hal itu diinjak dan disalahgunakan, gw bener2 sakit hati dan hampir gak bisa kayaknya melupakan kesalahan orang itu terhadap gw. Gw males untuk meneriakkan kekesalan gw sama org itu, males berantem, ngotot2an, cape. Biar aja mereka merasa benar, just stay away from me then. Dan gw merasa kesal pd diri sendiri dan bersalah, karena ga bisa memaafkan mereka dan berteman baik. Just civil, tp ga bisa berteman. Ga bisa seperti...dakwah2 Ramadhan...
Gw inget, somebody told me (n gw yakin that somebody doesn't even remember) bhw dia gak pernah marah sama org lain, kalopun iya jg cepet ilangnya. Damai bener hidupnya ya..hmmm...gw emang admire that somebody v. much :)

Gw sering iri sama org lain, trutama cewe, yang ramah, pinter ngomong, manis(kelakuannya), ceria, pinter becanda, ke semua orang. Gw iri sama orang yang suka bergaul, dan gw sebel sama diri gw sendiri yang suka males bergaul dengan orang, kecuali orang2 tertentu banget. Gw ingin sekali bisa ramah ke semua orang dan menyukai orang-orang...karena jalan untuk mencintai Allah swt kan katanya salah satunya dengan mencintai manusia. Tapi mereka begitu membosankan! Lagian gw jg toh membosan kan buat mereka! Lagi-lagi...I'm a horrible person?!?

Dan aku...aku tetap sangat sakit hati padanya...konyol! Padahal gw ga berhak untuk sakit hati, gw gak pernah dijanjikan apa2 dan dia berhak untuk gak berbuat apa2! Tapi kenapa gak berbuat apa2?? Kenapa cuma gw yg merasakan all this agony and suffer by myself while for him life just goes on as usual???????!!!! I can NOT forgive you no matter how much I want to, because you're v.kind, but who cares because you don't suffer because of me!!!!!!

That's it, I'd die an old maid and alone dengan hati yang bernoda2 spt dalmatians!!!!!!!!!!!

Fashion Temptation

Bagemana mungkin saya bisa memakai jilbab bilamana:
1. Suhu senantiasa 35 drajat celcius seperti sekarang ini
2. U2 blok M senantiasa diskon 30-70 persen dengan kaos2 lengan pendek berbahan nyaman dengan model menawan
3. distro2 selalu memproduksi kaos2 wanita yang ketat dengan gambar-gambar memikat
4. rok-rok selutut maupun terusan sungguh sejuk dipakai dengan garis pola meliuk mengikut badan
5. hehe..pada dasarnya saya berkeinginan pada akhirnya bisa memakai jilbab, jadi tolonglah...wahai...lakukan revolusi dunia fashion!!

Baba

i remember you used to
massage my leg every morning
climb my stomach and lay peacefully

i remember i used to
brush my cheek against your head
or your white soft belly
and say, "promise never ever leave me,
please promise!"

and now you've left,
and it's all my fault,
i want, i want, i sooo want you back
forgive me will you,
my favourite pet?

Messy 10

I've messed up............
1. from being more spiritual
2. from being a good girl, instead being mean and cold
3. from loving my self and others
4. from being consistent in carreer (how to manage it???)
5. from being strong and wise and fair
6. my heart so badly
7. my sense of humour
8. from being grateful of my blessings
9. the life and love that God has given me
10. ...AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actor Christopher Reeve dies

Superman star Christopher Reeve, who lobbied for medical research after being paralysed in a fall nine years ago, has died aged 52.
He had been suffering from an infection as a result of a pressure wound and died on Sunday, his publicist said. He suffered a cardiac arrest at his New York home and slipped into a coma, Mr Wesley Combs added. Reeve was paralysed in 1995 when he broke his neck after being thrown from a horse. He later became an advocate for spinal cord injury research. In recent years, he had regained sensation in some parts of his body. He had also returned to acting, appearing in a 1998 production of Rear Window, a modern version of the Alfred Hitchcock thriller about a man in a wheelchair who becomes convinced that a neighbour has been murdered. The role won him a Screen Actors Guild award.

Reeve's wife Dana said in a statement: "On behalf of my entire family, I want to thank Northern Westchester Hospital for the excellent care they provided to my husband.
"I also want to thank his personal staff of nurses and aides, as well as the millions of fans from around the world who have supported and loved my husband over the years."

Reeve was a virtual unknown before he shot to superstardom in the 1978 blockbuster Superman. Thanks to meticulous preparation and close physical resemblance to the comic-strip hero, producers gave him the part. The film and its three sequels turned Reeve into a worldwide star and grossed $300m in the US alone. Actress Susannah York, who played Superman's mother, told BBC Radio Five Live Reeve had "enormous goodness of soul and courage".

"I felt terribly proud to play his mother. When I was doing the film I thought 'Wow, this guy is terrific'.
"He was a very real contender for a Superman hero figure, because of his courage and generosity of spirit. He was fun.
"I think he was great... what he set out to do since his accident... I admired him incredibly."

Film director Michael Winner called Reeve the "archetypal movie star".
"I think he grew to personify a heroic struggle against disability," said Winner.
"We all kind of believed that we would one day see him walk again and instead we see him die really very young.It takes extraordinary individuals like Reeve to recognise that investment and effort is worthwhile in the long run to work for others"
He added: "He was a kind of action actor and to see an action actor who played Superman paralysed and hardly able to speak was terrible, but we all had hope for him and it is tragic that those hopes have been dashed."

Reeve broke his neck in May 1995 when he was thrown from his horse during an equestrian competition in Culpeper, Virginia. He then became a tireless campaigner for stem cell research, forcing it on to the political agenda. Before the actor's death, Senator John Kerry mentioned Reeve in a presidential debate, calling him a friend and pledging support to stem cell research.

Professor Colin Blakemore, chief executive of the Medical Research Council, told BBC Radio 4's Today programme said it took commitment like Reeve's to carry research forward.
"It takes extraordinary individuals like Reeve to recognise that investment and effort is worthwhile in the long run to work for others.
"He always said that he was working for himself and was convinced that there would be a cure, but I think probably deep in his mind he knew his efforts would be far more likely to pay off for others than for him."

I'll never fall in love again

Artist: Dionne Warwick

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he'll never phone ya
I'll never fall in love again
Dontcha know that I'll never fall in love again?

Don't tell me what it's all about
'cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So far at least until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
No, no, I'll never fall in love again

Welcome to my life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?

-Simple Plan

That's how far as my life goes with the lyric, cuz I'm not as hateful as the rest of it...well I still love big parts of life. And me don't think all people around me wear big fake smiles. I sometimes do...fake little smile(cannot force to make it big smile. Not good at lying).
It's just lots of time now I feel out of place.
Mungkin enak kaya film Station Agent itu...di tempat yg tenang damai dg beberapa sahabat terpercaya yang menerimamu tanpa melihat keanehanmu...

Silly oversensitive me! Why it's always about me, me, me?? Why just silly words bother and hurt me so much??? Why can't I be as cool as what I appear to be????

Percentage

Nov 2002 - June 2003: 80% happiness 20% sadness
July - Dec 2003: 50% happiness 50% sadness
Jan - March 2004: 45% happiness 55% sadness
...dunno until when: 30% happiness 70% sadness


My confidence: drop to 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%
I'm weird, freak and can't find anything funny about it