Finger crossed

dunno how to put it, seems like all i'm doing now is just to pass by.
but for positive thinking nih hmmmm this is all for challenge. Because this is what i want to do in the first place, rite?? to have a real job, to deal with all kinds of people, face the boss, and all. Thankfully, lately i kinda have that positive feeling that somehow it will all be over, i mean like, it will get "there" somewhere no matter what decisions or actions that i will choose, it will pass anyway (is this positive or passive ya? hmm).

go back to where i still really have fun it wasn't so real was it? supported by parents, or make money with unreal job, surrounded by people who dream in the cloud also (but they are so kind and fun and nice, mind you), to love where there is no love. that time i was quite happy but unhappy because i don't do something real in this world. and now i am quite unhappy and quite unhappy (when was the last time i feel happy?) because i am doing something real but missing the (real) fun. never satisfied eh?

i don't think that shrinking away (or: slipping away maybe more rite) like this is good, but this is the best i can do for now. still have positive thoughts that i can do better than this.
someday my dream becomes real, or if it doesn't,
i will find better ways to do handle that.